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Move Fast Or Get Out Of The Way

Hey kids, it's Uncle Smelly with a few tips for any licks new to New York!

I'm mostly writing this so you out-of-towners stop trying to ring up my fellow Nosferatu because you can't figure out the subway system. Seriously, there are maps at every station, you don't even need to read right to figure it out. Oh, and there's a Broadway in every fucking Borough, you want the one on the long, skinny part. The one with the big park we don't go to.

First off, welcome to a Sabbat-Free* New York! We smell a little less like New Jersey now, not that the Anarchs can tell down in Staten Island, but they can always take the Ferry, it's free, just like them!

For the rest of us, here's the deal. As it stands, there's no Prince, no Primogens, so no problem, right? Wrong! Both the Sheriff and the Scourge are kicking around and upholding proper law and order, and if anyone gets too far out of line, we've even got our own Archon! The Camarilla here might not have someone in the seat of power, officially, but that's not the same as not being in charge.  If the Independents have that figured out, so can you. Where's Elysium? Madison Square Garden, or just Madison Square. Don't start nothing, won't be nothing, get it?

So you want to make the most of the city, right? Of course you do, you're not here for your health! So, you want to see Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn, or The Bronx? Go nuts! Get yourself a subway pass, find a good cab company, or get used to walking.  A little tip, better to grab the Subway just after sundown or just before sunup, when they start moving the trains quickly again. The hours we operate, the trains are few and far between. Sure, they still run, but you might get to where you're going faster by doing just that, running.  Cabs are great, but they're for people with looks and money. Upside, New York traffic ain't nearly that bad at night. I mean, it's no peach, but it's better than during the day, at least so I hear.  You want to go to Staten Island? That's on you, pal. Take a bridge. Unless you're an Anarch, don't take the Ferry. Sure, it don't cost nothing, but the Anarchs claimed it and they mean it. But hey, I'm sure they'll make an exception for you, right? Take the bridge, dummy.

Before you start going hog wild, there's a few things you should know. First off, that little asterisk above? Yeah, chances are there's still a few Sabbat around and they'll want to retake New York. So, rule number one, if you find Sabbat, you dust them! Seriously, they're pricks. If you just keep killing other vamps and saying they were Sabbat, someone's going to look into that, and then you'll get dusted. It's not a blank check kids.  Rule number two! No new vampires. Our former prince laid that one out before he stepped down, and until someone replaces him, that's the way it is, pretty boy. I mean, you can tell the Scourge how great their artwork is or whatever, I'm sure it'll be a great story at the bottom of the Hudson.  Oh yeah, and be real careful about the Masquerade, hell, attention in general. A lot of people are sniffing around thanks to the fight we just had with the Sabbat, and if some dipshit turns into a Bear or pulls blood out of someone in Times Square, well, that's all our problem, get it?

Oh, and don't go into Central Park. I mean shit, if you want to do it, I'm not your momma, but I'm gonna point, laugh, and say "I told you so", pretty much in that order when it happens. So, you know, you do you.

Feel free to edit this little welcome mat with any tips or tricks you feel you need to. Me? I've got better things to do.

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